You are not alone in this

I met with my doctor today, and I have to go to the hospital tomorrow morning. My surgery will be in the afternoon on Thursday.

I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't want to be cut open. I don't want to heal.

I want to be healthy and ready to go to school tomorrow. I want to take my parents to fun places and hang out and not go to the hospital.

I don't want to be there for 5 days. I don't want to leave with a bandage on my stomach. I don't want to wake up at night and take pills. I don't want to miss school. I want to be normal.

Tonight, after a day where I was able to show my parents around a bit and feel self-sufficient as I was able to use public transportation and my mediocre Spanish to get everywhere I wanted to go and enjoy the joys of being alive and healthy and free, I am really struggling with the idea of being confined in the hospital. I'm struggling with the idea of being helpless in bed, attached to ivs and having a little intestine purse.

So I've spent some time crying. Because I am sad. And I've vented at my parents and to some really great, supportive friends both here and at home. After one of my roommates went to bed, my Dad turns to me and says "you don't find friends like that everyday."

And it made me think of Mulan... "you don't find a girl like that every dynasty." It's pretty much the same.

And, although I am sad, and although I'm not looking forward to all the things I know are waiting for me in the next week, I am thankful for the friends and family that I'm so blessed to have. It's true. You don't find friends like this everyday. But somehow, probably because God knew I need them, I have been blessed with more than a dynasty's worth of love and support.

So thankful to not be alone in this.