Coming "home"

I have officially been done with school for a week. I've thought about writing a blog post to wrap things up, but between packing up and leaving Honduras, spending almost two days traveling, spending another two days at my parents' house, and starting work today... I just haven't gotten around to it.

Well, that's one excuse. I guess the other would be that I haven't quite figured out what to say. But, as I tell my kids, sometimes when everything is tangled up inside you and you're not sure how you feel or how to express it, writing is a good way to get things out of your head and into the outside world so you can start to make sense of things.

So here we go.

I think one of the most confusing things about being back and being done with everything is figuring out how I even feel. I KNOW that my family is being nice to me by listening to all my stories even  when they're not asked for and that no one REALLY wants their question "How was Honduras?" in more than an hour. They're expecting one or two sentence response. Thank you Laura for providing me with a new default... "Honduras was great. I had awesome but challenging kids in my classes and I got cancer. What else do you want to know?"

Except that feels so horribly trivial and almost untrue. I mean, yes... but also no. It was good, but also hard. I worked all the time, but I also met some really great people. I had cancer... but I also got scuba certified and taught for almost 8 months. Yes, I ate some American food (HAMBURGERS!), but I also ate at my favorite little tipico restaurant almost weekly.

Am I happy to be back? Certainly. I missed Taco Bell. And my family. And a lot of other things.

Am I excited to go back? I think I will be, although I'm not used to being here.

And there's just the issue of home. I packed up my home to come home, and then from my home I went to my home and now I'm back at my home, although, I'm going home again this weekend. But, I'm excited because my room at home is getting painted this summer and I'm anxious to see it in August.

It's confusing. But that is maybe the best summary of how I feel right now. I'm glad to be home, but I've enjoyed my time at my other home. It hasn't been one big vacation, and it hasn't always been  easy. But home and life never is, I guess. Adjusting back... that's a whole other story.

What a year

Yesterday was a big day.

It marked the 24th birthday of one my dearest friends, 4 months of being cancer-free, one month of dating this one guy, and also, it was the last classroom day of my first year of teaching.

So it seemed blog worthy.

Except I don't think it has hit me yet that this school year is nearly over and that one week from now, I'll be the airport in Houston watching my friends make their connecting flights and texting friends and family from my American phone and hopefully eating Taco Bell.

Yesterday at our end of the year North American Teacher Barbecue, we had to think about how we've changed this past year, and how it'll effect us and our relationships while we're home for the summer. 

My first reaction? I haven't changed. What are you talking about? Oh, I guess I've lost a couple centimeters of intestines, but nothing else.

But then I think about the way I felt my first day that my kids walked into my room. It was mysterious, all these strangers sitting in alphabetical order because I told them to, listening to me talk because they had to... and how they were yesterday, after spilling secrets in conversations and writing, talking to friends, laughing, comfortable. I don't think it's hit me how much I'll miss them, but if the months I spent out of commission are any indication, it'll probably be a lot.

And then there were those months out of commission, when I was forced to rely on others to take care of my when my body turned against me and I wasn't able to take care of myself. The helplessness of being in the hospital, the mental exercise of getting through when nothing is making sense.

And the relationships both here and at home... they really have changed. I've learned more about who is willing to stick around even when I'm busy and don't skype or reply as often as I would like to, when I complain a lot, and when everything is changing. And the ones who know me here and have come beside me through a challenging year.

I went out for breakfast with my dear friend and mentor this morning and was reminded of just how much I love and need this community here and how different next year will be because I do have all this new knowledge that I just don't realize. I mean, I've pretty much completed a year of teaching. That's got to count for something.  


And I guess that's the good thing about time passing. It's given me time to grow in so many areas, and I'm so thankful that I'm where I'm at today. Even though some of it has been hard.

So now it's on to packing, cleaning up, and saying goodbyes. And then hellos.



I took a bajillion photos yesterday and probably cannot put them all up here. But here are some highlights of my amazing babies.

This student went from being involved in a ton of girl drama all the time to finding a place where she could be herself. Her enthusiasm and unconditional love has been appreciated all year, and I would frequently receive lunchtime visits at my window from her.

 Hooray! She won the most improved map test score in the whole middle school, and she definitely deserved it. The hard work she did the last two quarters paid off, and it's been so fun to be a part of that growth and to celebrate every good grade in all her classes.

Ahh... the boys who spent most of the last quarter testing every ounce of patience I had because 13 year old boys will be 13 year old boys... but who are all such good kids. And who are SO much taller now than they were at the beginning of the year. But also I'm slouching.

 This is the long-lost cousin I never knew I had. It's hard to believe she wasn't here until October, but she's made my life better pretty much every day since then. My 6th grade co-teacher in the background has been pretty good at that as well.

Gah. Although she seemed a bit tough to get to know at the beginning of the year and still gives me pretty annoyed faces and says "really miss?" an awful lot... she's always had faith that I could be her best teacher. And coming from a 6th grader who is fortunate enough to be taught by an AMAZING team... it's always meant a lot. 

The last person to leave my classroom every day, she's always been interested in my life and in sharing hers. One of the most precious moments of the school year was when, after a VERY trying day, she closed my blinds and locked the door on her way out so I could have some time alone. I'm excited to have her again in 7th next year.