Dear Friends, Family, and Others
Initially, I am writing to inform you that I am home safe and sound and a little sore. I also wanted to inform you that reports are showing that my body is rid of cancer. So now my only excuse for being grumpy, weird, or anything else is that I'm still sore from surgery.
As many have said (and I agree with them): God is good. This outcome certainly is a blessing. But I also have to acknowledge that God isn't good because I no longer have cancer. God is good because God is good.
One thing that I have really wrestled with throughout this process is how to approach God when things in MY life don't look good. Why does a God who is good let bad things happen? Can you still say he's good when it doesn't feel good?
Four months ago, I would have said God is good. My selfish, personal reasoning would have been he is good and this is shown through the family and friends he's put in my life. He is good and it's shown through the students that he's given me and it's shown through waterfalls and sunsets and all the good things. He's good because I see it in my circumstances.
Today... God is good. He's good because he doesn't change. He's good because he's age to age the same. He's good because he's stable and a refuge and constant and powerful and just. He's good because that's who he is. No guesswork. Not dependent on me or any other human or how our point-of-view at that particular moment or even on the state of the whole world. He's good regardless.
Maybe I already KNEW this... should have already been feeling this. Maybe. But putting what I should have known aside, I feel like it's something that God has been revealing through this process. And I feel that this development in our relationship is just as much and probably more of a blessing than being my home or not having cancer, and because of this, although I may not have worded it as eloquently as I would have liked, it's something I felt I should share. God is good.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still struggling through why the past three-ish months have happened. I'm struggling even today with how to approach a good God when it feels like I'm being kept from doing what I love. Do I feel happy? No. To my human mind, it's still frustrating. I'm frustrated with staying home and not teaching and walking like a grandma. But that doesn't change God. He's still good.
So no, I don't know all his reasons, and I don't plan to figure them all out (although it'd be nice, wouldn't it?). Maybe more will be revealed as life goes on... maybe not. But God is good.
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