November is month that makes me want to write. My brain begins to wander from memory to memory to memory and the thoughts start to pile up to a point where if I don't let them out, they might burst.
November is a month to navigate new family normals. All holidays now have a little bit of this - being with one extended family means not being with another. Being together means one of us is going to be a little homesick. But for November, it feels extra loaded with anticipation of the Christmas and the Thanksgiving and enveloping traditions and get-togethers from two families into the space of our new family while also trying to figure out what part of the Holidays is "ours." It is a break from routine and every day life which is welcome, but also brings on stress of it's own.
November is a month of anniversaries. One year of marriage is coming up this month. 26 years of being alive. 3 years since the first of the Honduras surgeries. So many thoughts and feelings are attached to these things. Memories of the excitement, nervousness, stressfulness, and joy of getting married in front of so many friends and family. Fears that I still have so much growth to do as a wife, roommate, companion, and friend. Excitement that this is a constant, that after a year together, I'm still so excited about the future. Memories of birthday past and missing being around my family who were there for so many of them. Fears that I am not doing this adult thing right, and now I'm officially closer to 30 than 20. Memories of feeling out of control, scared, alone, inadequate, not sure how to move forward but knowing I didn't have a choice. Fear of someday finding out again that my body has betrayed me and I didn't know.
November is a full month. It brings up a mixed bag of feelings. It is neither good or bad. Just full.
