Week 1 is over.

How quickly it has gone! How many things have happened!

I am nearly finished memorizing names. There are a couple of really good, really quiet kids who I struggle with when I see them in the halls, but for the most part, I have completed this week's homework.

One of my students told me I'm her favorite teacher because my class is funny. Maybe not the best reason, but I do want them to be comfortable.

It's real. It's mine. A classroom of my own students. Responsibility of my own. It's scary. It's lovely.

They're good kids. It's been a good week. Here's hoping for a good year.

Was it a perfect week? Of course bot. There were so many things that didn't go as planned. I've been way nicer than I mean to be, and it's probably going to kick my butt in the next few weeks. So much to do, so much for me to learn.

But I'm getting to learn. I get to grow. Gah! Love it.

125ish

I have massive blisters on my feet. My body is falling apart even after my nap this afternoon. My head is aching. I haven't felt all that well since waking up this morning.

Yet today, while my kids where in my room, I felt on top of the world. I felt confident, I felt free. I don't know how to describe it, really. And it sounds so silly, because it is silly. This is hard, this is a challenge, but this is me.

125ish names to remember, 125ish faces to study, 125ish individuals to get to know and love. 125ish minds to explore with. 125ish worldviews to challenge.

It's a big year, and there are so many days left. Yet, I couldn't be more thrilled. And I know it won't always be so fabulous. But I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

Tomorrow

I need to go to sleep because it's almost ten and I have to get up around five tomorrow, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Tomorrow, in less than 12 hours, I meet my 6th graders!

Suddenly all the years of preparation for this point seem like minutes. I am scared, yes, but the wait and the preparation are finally over (sort of). He work? Yeah, that's barely started. But this day... the first day I've been anticipating, dreading, hoping for, dreaming of... it's tomorrow.

Tell me how I'm supposed to sleep?

Progress

I was a bit overwhelmed today. School starts so soon, I'm new at this and new at here, my room felt chaotic, my plans felt non-existent and I woke up tired.

By a not overwhelmed, I mean overwhelmed for real. To be honest, I just wanted my mom and to be getting ready to GO to school, not TEACH it!

But that wasn't really an option, so forward I went.

And now it's 11:15, after a very log day.

My classroom is starting to look like a classroom. I have more or less 8 lessons planned - all of one grade level and 3 (minus a couple page numbers) of the other. My quarter is more or less in order.

And I still got to call my mom. And there was a baby gecko in my room (that we caught and released outside, don't worry, no parent trap lizard in mouth moments should occur tonight!).

I'm still feeling overwhelmed. I'm still feeling questionable about my adequacy. But I'm feeling slightly less overwhelmed and inadequate than I did this morning. Progress. I guess that means that all in all, it was a pretty good day.

Sometimes I worry that I'm not right for this. I worry that I'm not a good enough teacher or Christian or person to even attempt something like this. Really, me? This?

But when I stop to think (which let's face it, hasn't been a whole lot this week), well, I still don't have any answers. So I guess that was probably a bad start to a paragraph.

But when I don't stop to think? Is that better? It certainly happens more often these days... But when I don't stop to think, I feel more or less peaceful. Overwhelmed, yes. A little stressed and apprehensive about getting life together before classes start? Certainly. Worried about myself? See top paragraph. But despite those doubts, I don't really have them about whether or not this is where I should be right now. Perhaps that doesn't even make sense. But it still feels real.

I'm so incredibly grateful for the group of people who are here who are probably a huge part of that peace.

I would generally say that large groups overwhelm me and make me feel extremely uncomfortable and awkward. And I get really awkward around new people sometimes.

I also struggle with outright, sincere Christians. I don't know at what point I became so jaded and therefore mildly embarrassed to be overtly Christian, but it's definitely out of my comfort zone and usually something I avoid.

But both the returning and new teachers here seem so genuine. Even though the majority of them seem much more open about their faith than I'm used to, I trust them. I find that they seem to be real, human, genuine people who I legitimately enjoy being around and who I am very grateful for.

In other news, I hailed a taxi in Spanish today. Also I accidentally forgot to barter with one because what he said was too much. So that was embarrassing. But overall, hooray.

I also wrote my classroom procedures out today. It's kind of like a syllabus that doesn't have the schedule for the year in it. I followed someone else's pretty closely, but it still feels a little surreal that I'll be going over it with my first class in a little less than a week. I'm still working to wrap my head around that fact.

I also found out today that my students will almost certainly know One Direction and Justin Beiber. This, along with everything else, means I can go to bed with a smile. If I didn't have so much to do to prepare, Friday couldn't come soon enough. :-)

Whoops!

Do not be alarmed. I am here. I am just crazy busy almost all of the time being filled with information and new things and responsibility. This is a good thing. But it makes me less inclined to blog and more inclined to go to bed immediately when I arrive at home.

I finished my 2nd day of school orientation this afternoon and am very much looking forward to the weekend, although I have lots of things to work on.

My house is very nice and I have a lovely full-sized (read grown-up!) bed, so that is one thing crossed off my bucket list. I'm still working at finishing putting some pictures up and on starting putting all the non-clothes stuff away, so I don't have any pictures yet.

My classroom is still a work in progress, but I've been pintresting for ideas, and I'm sure it'll feel much more like home once I unpack all my books, which is something that will HOPEFULLY happen on Monday.

I just google voiced my mom, and that makes things seem much less far away. To be honest, I'm much more preoccupied with school and starting and the fact that my first classes start a week from today than the fact that I am abroad. Maybe that will change this weekend as we go on some city tours and eat out and go to church. Also I guess when I walk through my gate which is opened by a watchyman (the guard paid to watch our neighborhood which is a gated community), that feels a little bit foreign to. And the shower. And the water from a jug and never the tap. Hm. Turns out I'm not in the States. Fascinating.

Anyway. This is a little factual, but I wanted to have something, just in case anyone was wondering.

I have pretty good internet access most of the time, so feel free to e-mail me or whatever if you so desire!

Records

Tomorrow I say goodbye to my men. I'm bummed for sure.

At points it feels like everything is falling apart and that I just can't do this.

So I looked back at how I was feeling last year at this time as I started to get ready for Milwauk.

First post I saw? This.

debabifying.blogspot.com/2011/08/on-babies.html?m=0

Worried they wouldn't recognize me, and that this was the end.

And now I've had another summer to tickle and laugh and memorize their faces and voices and smiles and laughs. As an added bonus, now they even sing.

Hooray for reminders that there is a future, and moving forward, scary as it is, is a good thing.