I promise, I still exist

So it's been a while. Let me think about what has passed. A few days back at school before break which were exhausting but made me feel more like me than I had in a really long while. Christmas Break to heal and pull myself together by doing nothing but spend time with people who I really really love. It may sound boring that I spent most days around a kitchen table, but it was exactly what I needed emotionally, physically, and mentally. Seeing people in Grand Rapids... it all seemed idyllic. Like, life isn't supposed to be this wonderful, but somehow is was. Is, I suppose.

And now 3 days back in Honduras. It seems like a lot longer, really, although I haven't finished unpacking. There's been a whirlwind of getting back to school, seeing the people I love here, and some impromptu doctor's appointments. Although, those things are pretty connected. Except maybe the doctor's appointments. Except people I love were still there. So still connected. But now I'm sidetracked.  Anyway. It's hard to believe that 3 days ago at this time, I was sick in an Atlanta hotel. In fact, I really can't believe it.

But then I can, because life seems to be often unbelievable. See paragraph one.

One thing that I've been thinking about and learning about while here is recognizing how much I do need those people around me... either near or far away. I still struggle with feeling exceptionally guilty asking people to worry, or taking their time, or talking too much about me (although anyone who spent time with me over break or ever knows I still do that all the time, even though I probably regret it later).

I've gotten a lot of compliments on how strong I am recently. This seems so silly to me, because in my head (and I'm pretty sure reality, although I'm also coming to terms that Anna-world does sometimes differ from the real world) I'm not that strong of a person. I struggle with doubts all the time. A strong person in my opinion is sure of themselves and confident, and that's not me.

But then I look, and maybe I've been acting strong. And I feel pretty strong right now. And I think it's mostly all the fabulous people all over the place that I have supporting me and praying for me and loving on me even though I talk to much and maybe make them worry a little bit.

Ya'll are the best, yos.