Dizzy

I cried today. Like, kind of a lot.

My big sister left, and that was sad. And it maybe set off the pity-party that has been waiting to happen but hasn't because, honestly, all things considered, life is still pretty good. I mean, my big sister was here, people have been so great, I'm not dead and didn't explode, I'm healing well... I mean, pretty great.

But then she left, and the sucky parts started coming through - the hospital on my birthday, no Thanksgiving dinner ever, no ocean and not getting to hang out with my friends, no school, being far away from home and missing 60-80 cm of my intestines (sorry about the false report earlier) and no more sister... I could make the list longer. But I won't.

Tonight I got my stitches out. Looking at them, feeling the fabric of my shirt against my skin for the first time in a week, everything, it was a lot. It made me dizzy and slightly nauseous. This has been a lot.

But then I saw people who I truly care about a lot and who are great and funny and fun to hang out with, even if they aren't family. I came home to e-mails from parents and students who still, a week later, care about how I'm doing and write such sweet notes about missing me. I also have a hilarious and lovely loveable e-mail from my Grandmother who is praying for me and writing me every day.

And I might cry again. Because bad things happen and good things happen and I have less intestines and sometimes life is a little sucky but also there are so many lovely people in the world who, for some inexplicable reason, choose to share some of that love with me.

How overwhelming. Maybe it's bedtime.